Thursday, 8 October 2009

Families ............

A big thank you to all of you who commented on my last post and wished me well. It really meant an awful lot to me. Do you know something, not one member of my family have picked up the phone and asked if I'm ok. Not one. For all they know, I could of had a nervous breakdown, because I have never behaved like that before to them, EVER ! Surely one of them must think... is Tina ok ? But no, so I'm starting to come to terms with just worrying about me , my hubby and my girls.
I went to the doctor as planned. Hubby came with me and the doctor was great. He said he wished I had of booked a double appointment, because he wanted to spend some time talking to me. As it is, he spent 25 minutes talking to me. Way over his allotted time I'm sure.
He has made me realise that I really have to stop trying to do everything. That my family really need to take their turn now, because for 4 years, since my Dad died, I have been there for Mum 100% . Ive done everything I can for her. He has also made me realise that it is not my fault that Mum won't go out anywhere. He told me that Mum does have other choices like get a mobility scooter, a wheelchair, or use her walker frame that I bought her over a year ago that she has never used. He made me realise that she could do so much more for herself than she does now.
All this time, I have taken it upon myself to be there for her. To try and fill some of the empty hours in her day. To try and make life a little easier for her. Every time I have gone out these last couple of years, I have always said to hubby I should ask Mum to come with us. Almost feeling guilty about doing things when I know she is stuck in her house. But now, thanks to that doctor, he has opened my eyes to what is really happening here. I don't have to feel guilty. I have a family, a house, a job of my own to look after. Of course Mum is still important to me, but its time the others took their turn.
So this week I haven't done anything. I went over once with an apology letter to my mum. We talked about things, but from what I can see , she has gone into sulk mode now. When I popped over to see her Wednesday morning, she was actually dressed, and took her bin out !!!!! She hasn't done that in months !! Iv'e always rushed round to do it because she has asked me to !!
And today I have not gone round there .... it feels strange... usually after work I go straight to the shop to get her bread and milk and take it round.... I wonder who got it for her today ??
Part of me feels bad for letting her cope. But do you know what .... part of me feels free .... free to do what I need to do for my house and family.... free to go shopping without her.... I feel that I have some of my life back.
The doctor has given me some leaflets on stress and depression, and a couple of questionnaires to fill in about depression and wants to see me again in 2 weeks for a double appointment. Im so glad I went to see him. He spoke so much sense. Hopefully I can avoid going on anti-depressants as I have been on them before , but if thats what I need, then so be it. Right now, Im feeling better than I did this time last week, so thats got to be good.
Thank you once again to you wonderful people for caring. Your words of support really mean a lot to me. My brothers obviously don't care, so stuff them , thats what I say. I know in my own heart that I have done much more than my fair share, and if this one incident is enough to become the black sheep of the family, then so be it x

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  1. You are a fantastic daughter, mother, and wife!

    Well done for going to the doctors, it's hard to make that step - I know, I've been there. As I said in your previous post, you need to look after number one because if you are not ok, then you are less able to cope with helping others.

    Make sure you take some you time. Have an extra day out with Karon, or do some extra aqua aerobics to get those good feeling endorphins going!

    Take care xx

  2. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better and that seeing the doctor has helped. I think you are doing the right thing in letting your Mum cope for a while, I know it's hard for you, but you totally have to look after number 1, always looking out for other people will take it's toll eventually, so it's not surprising you felt down.

    Look after yourself xx

  3. I have been wondering how you were getting on. I think I love your doctor, if only they were all so good!

    You will be surprised at how much better your mum will cope when she has to, lol.

    Keep taking care of yourself.


  4. Glad you are feeling a bit brighter Tina, you certainly dont deserve how you have been treated. But your doc spoke loads of sense, but I know how you feel about the guilt, im the same! But as the others have said, you, your hubby & girls are the important ones. Put yourself for once. Take care xx

  5. Just sending a huge ((((((((hug)))))))) from me to you xxx

  6. How lovely that you have a doctor who will take the time to really talk to you. I can only repeat what the others have said. I know it will be a difficult adjustment, allowing your mother to do things for herself, but it will benefit both of you in the end. You've shown that trying to be all things to everyone you just end up pulling yourself to bits. You deserve to put yourself and your little family first, and sod the rest of 'em. Take good care of yourself.


  7. Wow, Sweety was has been happening since i have been away. Just catching up on your blog and i am giving a huge long distance hug, and squeezing hard sweetty. You sound like you have had a wee bit of a tough time lately. At the end of the day you know what you have done for nit just your mum but for most of your family. Sometimes it gets the the point when people start to take advantage of our kindness. You need to eremind them, you are not their to be there slave but to help when YOU can, not when they say. Stress and depression are horrible things, but something tells me you are stronger that both these things and will no doubt be kicking there asses soon.

    Love always.
    P.s Good to be back Mwah xxxxxxxxxxx ((((hug)))

  8. wow, what a ride you had! You deserve a big hug!

    Someone once told me: You cannot take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself first!

    Hope you feel better soon!