Friday, 30 October 2009

I was going to give up ..... but

Well I got weighed this morning, and Im fed up to report a STS. Still 12st 4lb, and Ive been looking back over my last few weeks results, I have only lost 1 blooming pound since September 11th.... now thats shit .

I know where Im going wrong. Partly the reason I think is because Im struggling on 19 pts a day. Somehow I only manage about 4 out of 7 days a week within my points, and then the other days, Im usually a few over. I know its also lack of exercise and the occasional naughty meals out, but I have no desire to exercise or even walk at all at the moment. Don't know why, just cant be asked. My weight has stuck at 12st 4lbs all bloody week !!!!! ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ............... I was so fed up this morning, I actually found myself saying to hubby this morning.... OH WHATS THE POINT...SOD IT !! Actually feeling like giving up for a while.......

I came on here to log my weight, obviously Im still keen to do that, so the desire to give up is just a knee jerk reaction to a couple of months wasted, messing about with these few bloody pounds that go up, then down, then up, then down.......what a waste. I could have been into those blooming 11's by now if I had of kept up the exercise , or learnt how to survive on 19 pts ... :O( .... CRAP !!

Anyway, Im so glad I logged on here this morning. Reading through your blogs is such a huge help. I started reading Sheilagh's, who I love following . She has written a lovely post this morning about the seeds of change. She has also made a link to an impressive post written by Mary at which talks about making your life worthwhile. Look for the Favourite posts on the right hand side and find the one that says Making your life worthwhile. My word what a read that is. It certainly opens up your mind, and makes you realise what you can achieve. It gives you hope, enthusiasm when all else is failing, in fact its quite an eye opener. Go see for yourselves. Thank you for sharing that find Sheilagh x
So with re-newed optimism, a new strength, a new view of where Im going .... here comes a better week ........I will do this, I can do this, I will not give up .......... x

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Wednesday, 28 October 2009

pumpkins, outfits.... and darts !x

Ok so its half term this week, and of course halloween on the weekend, so my youngest daughter wanted to get a pumpkin . We went and got one on Monday, and spent the afternoon creating our masterpiece !!! And here he is..........
Looks pretty good if I do say so. Shannon my youngest did most of the work, but being a very clumsy 10 year old, I supervised whilst she had the kitchen knife in her hand :O/ .......
Anyway, what do you guys have planned for halloween ? I have been invited out with Maggie the landlady from our local, and a whole group of others to go to a halloween type party at a pub. Here is a link to my costume .........
I wish it would look that good on me !!! I will keep you posted about the nights events .. lol !!
Also out tomorrow night. Ive been asked to play darts for the pub ..... eeeeeekkkk.... Im really not very good, but Im sure it will be a giggle. No pressure.....its a knockout match in the womens dart league.... :O/ .... I dont hold out much hope !!

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Monday, 26 October 2009

Ok .... so the nominations are ......

As some of you may already know, I received this lovely blog award from the lovely Sheilagh, whom I would like to thank.... your wonderful Sheilagh, thank you so much for this super award. I feel very honoured to have received it, so thank you very much. Sheilagh is a very special person who always finds the time for other people, and who listens and offers a friendly word or two when needed. For that I send you a million (((hugs))) x

Sheilaghs link to her blog is ... Im sure those of you that dont already know the lovely Sheilagh, will soon be reading her wonderful blog, and following her journey of ups and downs. Its a great read, so get over there for a look x
Ok , so before I nominate, there are a few things I need to do.
  1. Thank the person who nominated me Done

  2. Copy the award and place it on my blog Done

  3. Link to the person who nominated me Done

  4. Name 6 things people might find interesting er....Done (see below)

  5. Nominate 7 bloggers Done

  6. Post links to the bloggers I nominate Done

Ok so the six things that people may find interesting ...... mmmm....eeerrrr.....huummm..... ok....

  1. I love painting pictures

  2. I am only 5ft 2" :O(

  3. I took my daughters to Florida ALL BY MYSELF 4 years ago for 2 weeks .... (very brave for me)

  4. I can type at 50 wpm

  5. Im madly, deeply in love with Simon Cowell.... :O)

  6. I love to be snuggled up warm and cosy in front of the fire, with candles on, having my feet rubbed by hubby :O)

Not sure you will find that list interesting, but its a few of the things I love .... (especially Simon Cowell :OP ....)

OK, this has been very hard as there are so many lovely people out there, and I would love to send a lot more awards, but alas I can only send 7... :O( ...... but the 7 nominess for the blog award, in no particular order are as follows ..... I have chosen these people because they inspire me with their determination, they amaze me with their wisdom and strength, they are people with their own struggles with either personal or weight issues that have so much fight in them that I admire them..... they are all people that take the time to listen to others, help and advise others .....and they are people that I think are very, very special....

  1. Wonderful Sheilagh.....

  2. Lovely Karon ......

  3. Amazing Angela ......

  4. Fantastic Jackie ......

  5. Super Kari ......

  6. Delightful Sarah .....

  7. Terrific Jo ......

Like I say, this list could go on.... there are many wonderful people out there, whom I enjoy hearing about. Sadly Im only allowed to choose 7 :O( ..... but a very worthy 7 they are.. :O) Thank you all for making my journey much more enjoyable .... I dont know what I would do without you all x x x x

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Hi guys....

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. Its been a disaster points-wise this week for me to be honest !! At the moment I am facing a points deficit of 30 ....eeeeeekkkkkk !!! This has resulted from a lovely meal out for mums birthday which I mentioned in my last post, and another lovely meal out with hubby Saturday night... which consisted of Pate with toast for starters, steak and chips with garlic/butter sauce...(only got about 10 chips though :O( ) , and for afters a delicious chocolate nut brownie served with vanilla ice-cream .....oh boy !! That really was the highlight of the evening..... I very rarely do desserts, but my God that was good !! However on the plus side to all this naughty-ness.... I made my first ever 0 point soup on Sunday....blooming lovely if I do say so myself !! Carrot, onion and cauliflower soup.... :OP .... !! Yesterday I managed to stay within points, below by 3 in fact .... so the claw back has begun....!! Having said all of this, an SP this morning is showing a STS !!! So to say Im gobsmacked is putting it mildly. MUST, MUST be good for the rest of the week ......

Ok the new job. Well I went in bright and early Saturday morning. I was there for 8.20. I wore a jacket, trousers, and shirt (see piccy). I was shown around, and introduced to people, all of which seemed really nice. Customers started arriving around 9 am, and believe me, it got really busy. The launch of the BMW X1 and the BMW 5 GT was a big hit. A couple of definate sales, starting from at least £22,000 and there was me thinking there was a recession on :o/ ..... Anyhow, I was told not to worry about the phones on my first day, and when she explained the job, it is basically answering the phone and making tea and coffee. To be honest, I thought there would be more involved. I was really after a job with a lot more admin , and really can't justify spending every single Saturday, all day, 8.30 til 5pm, just answering a phone and making tea .... nah !! Not for me. On Saturday I must have made at least 80 drinks for people.... I felt like a waitress. So , short and sweet, but I have decided not to continue. I have posted a letter (yes I know Im a coward !!), and half expecting the phone to ring any minute as I type this !!! Will have to speak to Lucy at some point I know....for once Im doing what I want to do, rather than doing it to please other people... YAY !!
Ok so feeling positive today.... Im going to sit down with pen and paper and do a list of the blogs Im going to send the lovely award to... I haven't forgotten, just so much going on !! Boy this is going to be a hard task .....
Have a good day guys, and I will be back with results , later ....... x x x x

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Friday, 23 October 2009

weigh in, mums birthday and new job....

Hi guys...

Had my weigh in today and I lost a pound. Back to 12st 4lbs now. Im not particularly happy with that result because I thought I had been really good all week and deserved possibly 2 pounds, but hey, a pound is a pound and its in the right direction. My scales don't have half pounds, or quarter pounds on them, but they did take a little while to settle on 12st 4lb and were flicking on 12st 2lb and then jumping to 12st 4lb, so Im either thinking get some blooming new scales, or take it as a pound lost this week, and hopefully more next week. Fingers crossed for a good week ahead.
However, having said that, bad start to the week for me. Its my mums birthday today, and I took mum, and my 3 daughters out for lunch today. We went to a lovely place, The Rushbrook Arms, nr Bury St Edmunds, and thoroughly enjoyed our meals. I took a while to decide between burger with cheese and bacon on it with chips and salad, or beef and ale pie with mashed potato carrots, leeks and gravy. I eventually, after a lot of dithering, opted for the pie..... it was absolutely delicious. Lovely thick pastry, big chunks of beef and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Dont even know where to begin with pointing it, but have allowed 14.5 points for the pie and then added 5 for the mash, gravy and vegetables. Not sure if the points are right, but I would rather over estimate than under estimate. Please don't tell me its more than this !! Im already over points by 10 for the day....!!! Im sure I will pull these back by next Friday though.
Tomorrow is my first day of my new job at the BMW garage. I rang the lady today, just to confirm what I should wear and where I should park. I have to wear a suit, but I only own a jacket, but she said that would be fine , with smart shirt and trousers.....oooohhh I hope this isn't going to be too posh for me... lol !! I have to be there at 8.30 in the morning, and they are launching 2 brand new cars about being thrown in at the deep end !! Anyway will see how I get on. Just hope there is nothing too complicated, as I am hardly brain of Britain !! Im sure I will be back to fill you in over the weekend !!
Anyway guys, I know I still havent got round to sending the lovely award out that wonderful Sheilagh sent to me (bless ya), but I will, as soon as I find some time......I hope you all have a lovely weekend. ta-ra for now x x x

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Monday, 19 October 2009

I got the job !!

Oh my God !! I got the job ! Im really shocked !! Spoke to the lady this morning and she confirmed they wanted to offer me the job, and that she would put a letter in the post to me straight away. She also said she wants me to come in on Saturday for a few hours to see how things are done. It will be busier than normal on Saturday as they have a launch of something.... probably another bright shiney new BMW...... I wonder if Im pushing my luck to ask for a company car !!!!! (only joking) ... lol . Part of me is excited about this job, as I really need the money, but another part is thinking do I really need to add something else to my list of things to do ? There is no harm in trying it for a month.... who knows, I may really enjoy it. Fingers crossed that I do as the money will definately come in handy .
As for the diet, head down and focused (so far), and just about staying within points. A good week ahead me thinks, hopefully a good loss too x

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Sunday, 18 October 2009

catch up ....

Although I blogged on Friday, I forgot to mention a few things. Im sure Im going senile ??!!**

My beautiful daughter Sophie had her 14th birthday on Friday. We had a few of her friends over for tea, aswell as my in-laws :O/ , and my mum, (brothers are still not talking to me so F*ck em).. we had a few nibbles on the table e.g, sausage rolls, pizza, crisps, cocktail sausages....etc, etc, ....I did my best not to over indulge, ended up going over by about 3 , so not too bad. The birthday girl and her friends wanted to sleep in a tent in the garden, so eventually at 2 am , they clambered in, I had gone to bed much earlier than this... getting too old for that !! I think they all enjoyed themselves.... picture above shows them crawling out in the morning... bottle of WKD for breakfast (only joking) ... they shared one bottle before bed , and still didn't finish it !!
Forgot to tell you also that I went for an interview for a receptionist job, to work just on Saturdays. Could do with the money, and as its only Saturdays, I can hold on to my receptionist job during the week that I do at the Osteopaths. This new job is a receptionist job at a BMW garage. The interview went well on Thursday afternoon, and low and behold they have called and left me a message on my answer phone on Friday afternoon, wanting to speak to me. I think it may be good news, but Im not sure. They have said for me to ring back on Monday morning which I will try to do. Thing is Im doing overtime for my regular job and working Monday morning this week aswell, so will have to try and fit that in somewhere. In fact , I have a really busy week this week. Working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and on Friday its my mums birthday and would like to take her for lunch that day... so by the end of the week I will be shattered.....and half term starts Friday too so the kids will be off for another week....bloody teacher training days...what the hell ? If they are not trained, why are they doing the job in the first place !! And , how many training days do they need for heaven least 8 a year....why cant they be done in half term.....??!!! Grrr rant over !! lol... Where the hell did that half term go anyway !! Perhaps I should have applied for a job as a teacher....mmmm.... :O/ .... maybe not !! I know all you teachers out there do a great job and I for one know I couldnt do it !! ;o) ....
Anyway changing the subject... to all of you guys out there on 19 points or less, please tell me how you do it !! Im struggling big time to stay within 19 points. Each day I seem to go over by about 3 or 4 and this all adds up. Strange, because when I was on 20 points, it didn't seem to bad. Maybe I need to review what Im eating.... perhaps the walkers crisps, and mayonnaise are going to either have to go, or be reviewed...mmmm.... I suppose one dollop of full fat mayo (2 pts) and 1 packet of walkers cheese and onion (2 pts) is 4 points wasted.... :o/ .... need to have a look at this me thinks..... dont want to give up my only luxuries .. *sob* *sob* ... :O( ........
WALKERS CRISPS/ MAYONNAISE ... OR ...... INTO THE 11 'S ??? = into the 11's :O) x x

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Friday, 16 October 2009

To any of you who feel like giving up in life.....

.... I found this on facebook and really made me think, and made me cry....

If ever you feel like giving up, remember, there is always someone worse off than yourself. What an inspiration this man is x

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weigh in ......and photo shoot..

Hi all....

Sorry I haven't blogged at all this week. Had a busy, but good week, so feeling good right now.
Firstly we had our wonderful photo shoot on Monday at New ID in London. It was a great, but an eventful day, in more ways than one !! lol ... can't wait to get the piccys. Have seen them on the New Id computer, but as we did not give in and pay for the copyright cd of the pics..(A another £600 flipping pounds !!)... we now have to wait for the few we did choose to arrive. As it was, we had already laid out £300 between us, I really dont think we need pictures of ourselves that badly to cough up nearly a thousand. So we were good and stuck to our money. Having said that, the pictures of my daughter (which we viewed on the computer) were stunning, absolutely stunning (the photographer made it blooming obvious he fancied her), but who can blame him, she looked amazing. Will pop piccys on here when I get them. The piccys which we viewed of me, are ok, one in particular is really nice, but Im not a great fan of piccys of myself, I always find too many
The day started bright and early catching the coach in Newmarket at 8.35. We were dropped off there at 7.30 by hubby on his way to work, otherwise we would of had to get a taxi, and that would have cost a fortune. Got to London, which was fine. Had an hour and a half to kill before our appointment at New Id, so popped into a London restaurant/pub for lunch. We both had chicken breasts with bacon and cheese and BBQ sauce served with chips and salad. I scraped every bit of cheese off, so halo polish there, however, did devour the chips with no problem !! Whilst eating our lunch, I needed a trip to the loo. When I got back there was a man sitting on his own, next to our table, who happened to be talking to my daughter. She started pulling weird faces at me when he wasnt looking and I could soon see why. I arrived at the table, and he started speaking to me.... he was an Irish Gay man who happened to be deaf !! He was so Gay bless him. I have no problem with that whatsoever, but the things he was telling us, I would of had a job telling my best friend !! He told us about being paid to have sex, once he got £400 from a man in a Brighton hotel for one night, and that he dresses up as a woman, that he would give the poor old man on another table near us who happened to look like father christmas a w--k for £25 .... and it just went on an on !! We were so trying not to laugh, nearly peeing ourselves, because of the way he spoke, .... luckily we each escaped with a kiss on the cheek and a nice to meet you...... we absolutely cracked up when we left the restaurant !
We then went to New Id, a bit of waiting around which was ok, but my daughter started to feel poorly. Really bad headache and achey all over. She nearly didnt do the photo shoot bless her, but I kept on persuading her that it would only be another hour or so and then we would be on our way home. So she did the shoot and looked stunning...wish I looked like that now, let alone when ill !!
Anyway, the salesman at new id kept us in his room for nearly an hour until he finally realised we were not budging from our original money laid down. He was not impressed. I kept saying we really had to go, we had a coach to get at 6.30 from Victoria coach station, and we were still in New ID, near Oxford street at 6.10 !!! We signed the papers and legged it jumping into a taxi saying we had to be at Victoria by 6.30...that poor taxi man tried bless him to put his foot down, as much as you can in a London rush hour....poor thing.... we got held up by every blooming red traffic light, but eventually arrived . Kirsty ran for the coach which was about to leave without us, while I tried running with 3 huge bags of clothes and shoes, (which was a sight Im sure !) , climbed aboard the coach, red faced, and apologetic for making people wait for us. They were lovely though, all chuckled when I clambered up the steps.... so glad Im thinner now, or I would have been well embarrassed doing that in front of everyone ..... !!
Anyway, we enjoyed our day, are now anxiously awaiting our piccys which could take a few weeks, hope they hurry up !!

And last, but not least ...... I gained a blooming pound this week.... back to 12 st 5 lbs .... dont know how, lack of water I think, but hey..... another week ahead. Going to get my serious head on this week. I want to get into those pesky 11's by either my birthday or Christmas.... Ive been messing around in the 12's now for a long time......

Hope you are all well. I will try and get around to your blogs you lovely people and Aguilleg, I am definately going to try and get round to emailing you this weekend. Thank you and Im sorry its taking so long !!

Love and hugs to you all ..... x x x x x

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Sunday, 11 October 2009

weigh in , pamper day , and families ......

A little bit late this week with posting my weigh in result to you .... I lost another pound. Im now 12st 4 lb. Its coming off at a steady pace now at a pound a week. Pleased with that, especially considering totm arrived the same day. Its still weird though, Im averaging slightly over my points each week, where as about a month ago I wouldn't dream of doing that. So maybe my body does need a couple more points a day than Im allowing it to keep the weight coming off. Think I will re-take the points quiz and see what it says.....

Im feeling a bit better about things now, thanks to you guys and my lovely doctor, hubby and girls. You have all been amazing and I would like to thank you again for your lovely comments. You really help me to realize that other people do understand how I feel. As for my hubby and girls they have been great too. We have just spent all day together shopping and having a roast dinner at home that hubby cooked and then playing charades .... that was a giggle !! I really must learn how to relax and enjoy myself more ... last night it was a movie, popcorn and pyjamas kind of night ... all of us together ... it was great. Cant remember the last time I did that with them all .

On the subject of my mum, no-one else had taken her food shopping since my outburst last Saturday night. A week has gone by and not one of my brothers or their partners thought for one minute ... perhaps mum needs to go shopping !! I knew they wouldnt. So I took her food shopping yesterday with my hubby. She has to eat after all. Ive cut out all the dusting, hoovering, sorting her bins out, bed changing, and going round to see her everyday. I do feel a bit guilty, but do you know what ... I have slept solidly for 3 nights now which I never normally do , and I feel more chilled. I do feel slightly guilty , but I have to do this for my own sanity. It just goes to show what my brothers are like though.... they are not talking to me and still have not done anything for mum..... they are bloody pathetic !! Would love to strangle them both, but they are not worth doing time for !!

Tomorrow I have my lovely day in London to look forward to .... pamper day.... make-up , hair , and photo shoot with my eldest daughter ... I cant wait !! Will pop piccy's on here when I get them all ....

Anyway guys, hope your having a lovely weekend. As I said before, your all brill , and I would like to send you all some beautiful flowers ..... so here they are at the top.... sorry they are not real .... but the thought is there . Speak to you soon guys xxxxxxxxxx

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Thursday, 8 October 2009

Families ............

A big thank you to all of you who commented on my last post and wished me well. It really meant an awful lot to me. Do you know something, not one member of my family have picked up the phone and asked if I'm ok. Not one. For all they know, I could of had a nervous breakdown, because I have never behaved like that before to them, EVER ! Surely one of them must think... is Tina ok ? But no, so I'm starting to come to terms with just worrying about me , my hubby and my girls.
I went to the doctor as planned. Hubby came with me and the doctor was great. He said he wished I had of booked a double appointment, because he wanted to spend some time talking to me. As it is, he spent 25 minutes talking to me. Way over his allotted time I'm sure.
He has made me realise that I really have to stop trying to do everything. That my family really need to take their turn now, because for 4 years, since my Dad died, I have been there for Mum 100% . Ive done everything I can for her. He has also made me realise that it is not my fault that Mum won't go out anywhere. He told me that Mum does have other choices like get a mobility scooter, a wheelchair, or use her walker frame that I bought her over a year ago that she has never used. He made me realise that she could do so much more for herself than she does now.
All this time, I have taken it upon myself to be there for her. To try and fill some of the empty hours in her day. To try and make life a little easier for her. Every time I have gone out these last couple of years, I have always said to hubby I should ask Mum to come with us. Almost feeling guilty about doing things when I know she is stuck in her house. But now, thanks to that doctor, he has opened my eyes to what is really happening here. I don't have to feel guilty. I have a family, a house, a job of my own to look after. Of course Mum is still important to me, but its time the others took their turn.
So this week I haven't done anything. I went over once with an apology letter to my mum. We talked about things, but from what I can see , she has gone into sulk mode now. When I popped over to see her Wednesday morning, she was actually dressed, and took her bin out !!!!! She hasn't done that in months !! Iv'e always rushed round to do it because she has asked me to !!
And today I have not gone round there .... it feels strange... usually after work I go straight to the shop to get her bread and milk and take it round.... I wonder who got it for her today ??
Part of me feels bad for letting her cope. But do you know what .... part of me feels free .... free to do what I need to do for my house and family.... free to go shopping without her.... I feel that I have some of my life back.
The doctor has given me some leaflets on stress and depression, and a couple of questionnaires to fill in about depression and wants to see me again in 2 weeks for a double appointment. Im so glad I went to see him. He spoke so much sense. Hopefully I can avoid going on anti-depressants as I have been on them before , but if thats what I need, then so be it. Right now, Im feeling better than I did this time last week, so thats got to be good.
Thank you once again to you wonderful people for caring. Your words of support really mean a lot to me. My brothers obviously don't care, so stuff them , thats what I say. I know in my own heart that I have done much more than my fair share, and if this one incident is enough to become the black sheep of the family, then so be it x

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Sunday, 4 October 2009

Depression, nervous breakdown ?......

Im going to the doctors tomorrow. Just dont seem to be able to cope with things at the moment. Feeling really down, tearful, falling out with everyone because of drinking too much. Can't sleep properly...... Im turning into something I dont want to be.....
Ive upset my beautiful girls, and I have had a major falling out with my brother (blurted out a few home truths when drunk that he didn't like) such as he does not lift one finger to help my mum. He told me I was out of order... OUT OF ORDER !! What a fucking cheek!! My mum is angry with me for having a go at him. Its all gone wrong because I got drunk..... Im not apologising to my brother though, he has had this coming for a long time, problem is when Im sober, I never have the courage to say I need help. But now its all come out in a bad way...... and Im so fed up......

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Friday, 2 October 2009

Stress, stress and more stress.....

So Friday is here again, and yet another week has flown past. And with it being Friday, another weigh day has arrived. I have actually lost another pound !! Dont ask me how, as I ended up 16pts over for the week...thats two weeks running now that I have been way over points... and both weeks, I have lost a pound !! Weird !! I certainly do not deserve the pound off, but in my defence, my head is back to it 100%, my bum is black and blue from all the kicking's you lovely lot gave me (thank you), and it is firmly stuck with super-glue back on the wagon !! Long may it continue !

Work has been quite stressful this week. Bad atmosphere there at the moment. Im a receptionist at an Osteopath Surgery, and because business wasn't too good at the beginning of the year, we receptionists took a 20% pay cut. Considering what we earn, compared to the Osteopaths....who incidently took only a 2.5% paycut.... losing 20% of my wages has made quite an impact on my life for sure. Anyway to cut a long story short, the boss still says business is not too good, although the amount of new patients coming in, Im beginning to wonder about that. We had a meeting with him, and we asked for our wages back, but we were told no. Hmph !! I wouldnt mind, but Im being expected to do loads of extra work, that the practice manager can't keep up with, for no extra pay !!! I have now had to apply for another job to work all day Saturdays, just to make my money up.... feel a bit pipped off about that.

Not only work has been stressful this week. Home-life is pretty shit too. Have not been talking to hubby all week, apart from the occasional yes and no in all of the right places. He really upset me last week before I went out. His insecurities are starting to surface, but I never thought he would go as far as he did. He said and done some very hurtful things, and I have not found it in my heart to forgive him yet. I told lovely Karon about it, and we met up today for a chat over a diet coke. Thank you Karon, I really appreciated the chat. I know I have found a very special friend there.

Anyway, thats life at the moment, maybe whats been going on has had an impact on my eating, I'm not sure. Don't want to make excuses, as at the end of the day we are all responsible for what we put in our mouths .... oh god , that doesn't sound good.... so I'm off *blushes* and runs off to hide :o/ ...

Have a good weekend everyone, if you can't be good, be careful ;o) x

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