Friday, 19 March 2010

Am I being unreasonable ?.....

Opinions please guys....

I have just read on facebook that my eldest daughter Kirsty (19) is trying for a baby with her partner that she has been with since November. Sorry if Im being a tad sensitive here, but wouldn't it have been nice to hear it face to face rather than splashed across facebook? I feel sad. I feel like Im the last to know anything.

Kirsty lives at her Dads house which is just around the corner from me, literally about 200 yds away. We had a lot of fallings out when she was 17 and she decided to live with him. Since then, I thought we were getting on great. We see each other a couple of times a week, we met up at a night-club in December, we went for a meal only on Mothers Day with her new man, but yet I have to find this rather big bit of news out on facebook !

When she met this chap, I was rather concerned. He is 37, has two children of 12 and 14, and bearing in mind my daughter only turned 19 only 3 weeks ago, (she was 18 when they met), I think I was right to be concerned. However, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, invited him round and he seems very nice. But now this ? Surely, as he is almost my age , wouldn't he see that blasting this over facebook instead of perhaps just mentioning it over a cuppa with me , would have been nicer....

Am I right to feel hurt ? Or am I over-reacting ?..... I wonder if they would tell me when the baby is born, or would I have to find that out on facebook aswell !!!

KIDS !!


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10 comments:

  1. Ah Tina I think you have a right to feel hurt. I really would too. I think your daughter may not have said anything to you as she may have felt you wouldn't have approved. I think she has a lot of growing up to do (no dis respect). She is young and trying for a child so soon into a relationship and when her partner has children already, it could be a very silly move in the long run after not being with someone long enough to know that they are there for keeps. You also said she lives with her dad still, again she should be getting a home set up and quality foundations set in her relationship before trying for babies. Maybe she knows that you would be concerned about her and when people think their love is the strongest in the world, thinking about other peoples feelings blows out of the window.

    I hope that it doesn't cause issues between you and your daughter, chin up, if nothing else you may be a grandmother sometime soon.
    xxx

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  2. Tina, under those circumstances, I would be upset too. (((hugs)))

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  3. I think I'd feel hurt too, Tina. I hope your daughter is okay, maybe you could have a quiet word with her to make sure she's trying for a baby for her, rather than for her older boyfriend? I went out with someone 19 years older than myself when I was 22 but in many ways he was young at heart, and I was old enough to know what was going on. 19 is very young!

    xxx

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  4. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all - I don't have kids but I can imagine I'd be upset if I found out something that important on facebook.

    As a grown man and a father himself, I'd have expected the boyfriend to be a bit more sensitive - but then he is male!

    I am not sure how you broach it with her - can you tell her you feel upset that she didn't mention it to you?

    x

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  5. Tina, i'd feel the same way and to be honest i'd be gutted my child of 19 was even thinking about children at such a young age.
    (I was a mum at that age but it's not something i want for my children at all)
    I'd also be worried that she was having a baby with an older man with children not much younger than herself.
    I really hope this doesn't offend you, i personally just want more for my kids , plus i don't want to be a granny!! Lol

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  6. Of course you have a right to be upset. I'm only 22, and even I understand that this is totally unsensitive. They don't seem to have been together very long at all to be thinking about children - surely they should be looking at living together as the first step?

    Not quite sure how you can bring this up though, as whatever way you do she is likely to fly off about it if she couldn't see it wasn't the right way to do it in the first place.

    x

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  7. I'd not only be hurt, I'd be concerned. Worried. That's a big age difference. He ought to know better.

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  8. Totally understandable you're hurt. I wouldn't want my daughter getting mixed up with a guy with two kids already...19 is so young to have a baby! What will she do with the rest of her life? Does her dad know?

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  9. Thank you guys. I wasn't sure if I was being over sensitive, or right to be hurt. I really am quite worried about her. She does need to grow up a lot, and find somewhere to live first, and what breaks my heart even more, she has been training to be a nurse for the last 10 months and doing really well. All that will now go out of the window when she has a baby. I can see the same thing happening to her, that happened to me. I was expecting her at the age of 21, and gave up a good job and now looking back on it 20 years later, I wish I had done it all differently. But Kirsty is not the sort to listen, she always knows best apparently.... but then again, I suppose I did. But one thing for sure though, I know I wouldnt have splashed those plans on facebook before my Mum had known. I feel that her boyfriend/manfriend needs to help her grow up...very soon before any baby comes along. Thank you all for your responses. You are all so right x

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  10. This is a great lesson for us (as parents) to understand there's going to come that time where we have to "let go"... and trust. She's unfortunately, in this case, going to realize the mistake this will be.

    (Thx for stopping by Coach Your Mind... hope you enjoy)

    Dayne

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