Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Hello bloggers, sorry, but I think I need your advice - falling apart

Hi guys,

Sorry, but I'm at the end of my tether.
I have so many things going on in my personal life and work life, that I don't know if I can cope anymore. I'm sorry to burden you, I just needed someone to talk to.

I would like to thank you all deeply for those that replied to my last post. I had some lovely responses, and I must say, you are all so wise, I just wish I were like you. But the truth is, I'm not. I'm what they call a shrinking violet, have no self esteem, no value to my life, I don't think I'm worthy of anything. To be honest, 99% of the time I think of myself a a failure. I've always failed. In everything. There is nothing that stands out in my life as success, but my3 beautiful girls. I love my girls to bits, but beyond that ............ nothing.

I told my father in law to f*ck off after my last post. How bloody dare he suggest my hubby of 3 and a half years should take half my house, when I have been in it 20 years. I don't want anything to do with them. They are scum and always will be.

I reluctantly decided to stay put with hubby . Wrong !!! To be honest I feel sorry for him. He has a family that won't take him back, a wife that truly doesn't love him but pretends to. How bad is that? Ok I'm awful. But he said he would go to a solicitor to have the house put in my name, I didn't ask him to, but yet again, I didn't deter him either. He is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo childish. Only Monday night, after deep indepth conversations to stay together, wanting him to grow up, he decided monday night at 9pm to invite me to sit in the garden with him. I said yes. I sat out there, within 5 mins he was chasing round the garden the midgies with a tennis raquet. Fine. We were within our own 4 walls. It was when he decided to walk, bare foot, out of the garden gate to hit the midgies with a tennis raquet to all neighbours hedges, walking up and down the street that I was so embarrassed. I sat there in the garden alone thinking what a big child he is. I honestly know now that I don't love him. Ive tried, but I want a man, a proper man, not a 37 year old kid. I just have to tell him properly now.

As to the weight, thats out the window now , and work is a whole new problem. F*ck it all, thats what I say x

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8 comments:

  1. Wow, Tina. Sounds like you're going through a difficult patch. I don't have much in the way of advice to offer, but I will say this: marriage is a hard enough proposition if you're both on the same page (or relatively close). If things are as bad as you say, it sounds like it's really not fair to either of you (and especially not you).

    As for your own lack of self-worth, I'd remind you that you've raised three beautiful children and made a pretty drastic change in your life with your weight loss. It'd be a shame to throw that all away now.

    Hope you get things straight with yourself soon.

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  2. It sounds very difficult. I don't think you should have to put up with such shenanigans, even after such a long time. Can you imagine another 5, 10, 20 years with this man? At this point, you need to do what you feel is right. Don't stay with him just because of your house....

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  3. You have to take charge of your life Tina, you only have one life and you MUST lead the life that you deserve. Please beleive me, don't leave it as late as I did!!

    I will meggage you later on Facebook.

    Hugs

    Sheilagh

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  4. Oh Tina, I really feel for you. I am totally useless at advice, but all I can say is you are a brilliant person and have always given me encouragement when I've needed it, you are fab and you should try to believe that!

    You deserve to be happy and if your hubby is making you miserable then you really need to do what makes you happy. You aren't awful, you cannot help how you feel.

    Take some time for yourself and do what is best for you.

    Thinking of you, if you ever need someone to talk to I can always listen :) xx

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  5. Tina, I am a newer follower of your journal. A struggling WW myself. The best advice I can give you is that staying with a man you no longer love, because of pity for him, is not being fair to yourself or him. Life is too short to not try and be happy. I think that you are an inspiring person, I think you are being too hard on yourself. You are not a failure. It is hard to not feel crushed by the weight of the stress in your life right now. Take it one day at a time one issue at a time and things will start looking up. Focus on you and your future with your girls. Get rest and try to keep a clear head. You will need to be strong for what may lie ahead. I hope things with you work out and you feel happier. Julie

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  6. Hey Tina, feeling so sorry for you & what you are going through. Im no expert, but I will say that you are defo worth more than you are getting from your hubby, I know i dont know you well but you are always there with helpful comments & motovation for everyone. Just sit n think what you would say to one of us if we blogged what you have then take your own advice. You have the support you need here whenever you need it xxxxx

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  7. Tina, I am a newer follower of your journal. a stuggling ww myself. The best advice I can give you is this. I think staying with a man that you no longer love because you pity him is not being fair to yourself or to him. Life is too short to try and not be happy. You are being too hard on yourself and it is hard to feel anything but horrible under the weight of all the stress in your life right now. Focus on keeping your head on straight. Think of your future with your girls. Try to take it one day at a time and one problem at a time. You are not a failure you have a hard time ahead of you but you will make it thru. As for your hubby he needs to grow up and maybe he will after you stop taking care of him. I hope you feel hopefull soon!! Julie

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  8. Hugs to you, Tina. Wow, you sure have a lot of lumps being thrown at you.

    There are things you're good at. Look at you sticking up for yourself. You have more self esteem than you think. I'll help you work on finding more later, when your bumps smooth out some. :)

    Hang in there. I'm rooting for ya!

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